Noah your LinkedIn Woof!
““Whatever Dude, I’ve been into koRn since like, 3 days ago.””
No. I did not play Buzz’s Girlfriend in Home Alone. I’m tired of the accusations of being a child star. It’s just not true. A matter a fact this ugly duck didn’t turn into a swan until later in life. But there were a lot of phases along the way. One phase in particular I wanted to talk about. Which was my koRn phase. So growing up, I was a die hard koRn fan for like a good 4-6 months. This was probably around the same time as this photo of me was taken. Ya know, the photo of me where I look identical to Buzz’s girlfriend from Home Alone. So koRn, all day I dreamt about koRn. I got the shirt, the Adidas shoes, the Adidas breakaway pants, the long hair. I was the 6th band member.
But that all changed one day standing in the lunch line during the 7th grade. There I was, all koRned out wearing the whole kit I described. Minding my own business, waiting in line for my bean and cheese burrito when some jerk crept up behind me. Silent like a cat stalking a helpless little mouse. All the sudden they pounced and made their move. My breakaway pants were broken away before I even knew it. The fresh air hit my legs like a ton of bricks and sent a chill down my spine. I was frozen, pants flailing in the wind but still attached around the elastic wasteline. I didn’t even see who did it because that little freak on a leash was already out of sight. Everyone who saw pointed and laughed as I struggled to snap those stupid little snaps back in place one by one. It’s not like being pantsed where it’s just one movement to get your pants back in place. You have to give those tiney snap buttons your full attention to get them to together. It sucked.
It was at this very moment where I realized I would no longer be a koRn fan. My wardrobe loyalty could no longer be aligned with an artist who put me in such a vulnerable position. It was at this moment where I swore off koRn forever thinking that maybe one day I’ll rejoin the herd. But that day never came. And that’s the hard life lesson I learned about CRM programs and building an audience with a loyal base.